Sort Of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Part 1

Real estate photography is really, really hard. But since our new house has yanked me away from my re-dedication to blogging, my reader (hi, mom) deserves an update.

Here’s a little before and after on the place:

Living room before:

1968839_4-1 1968839_3Living room after:

photoWith a little a lot of help from my parents, we paint over the turquoise and sea foam green with shades of grey. (Two shades, not 50.) Beth picked out new sconces to hang above the fireplace. Tomorrow, we plan to commit our next two tax returns to new furniture.

Dining room before:

4340913_6Dining room after:

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OK, covered the Easter Goes Aquatic look in the kitchen and added a new hanging light.

 

Living Like Frank the Tank

This weekend marks my first real weekend as a homeowner. (Last weekend, I had to head back home for my sister’s college graduation. Congrats, kiddo.)

This weekend, I’m all about projects. Planting grass. Changing outlets. Removing the last of our possessions from cardboard boxes. Trying to do things on my own, screwing up, then going on YouTube and watching various how-to videos.

Turns out I haven’t inherited the handiness of my dad, the homebuilder, or the eye of my mom, the interior designer. But dammit, I do enjoy owning a home. And more than that, I think I will like working on the home.

Frank Ricard is my new role model.

The Meaning of Jason Collins

Jason CollinsYou probably already know by now that NBA veteran Jason Collins has come out as a homosexual, making him the first active, openly gay professional athlete from one of the four major American leagues, which includes the NBA, NFL, MLB and NHL.

The significance of this moment cannot be understated. Though Collins has never been a star, he is revered as one of the best teammates and bench contributors of the best decade. Little wonder many players around the league have publicly shown their support of Collins’s announcement.

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We Bought a Nest For Our New House

We are T-minus five four days to moving into our house, and what’s the first big purchase we have made? Living room furniture? Nope. A bedroom set? Nah. Try a Nest, the so-called “learning thermostat.”

A little about this sexy little device:

  • Nest programs itself in about a week. It creates a personalized schedule based on the temperature changes you’ve made and continually adapts to your changing life.
  • After you’ve left the house, Nest will sense you’ve gone and automatically adjusts the temperature to avoid heating or cooling an empty home.
  • Airwave automatically turns off the AC a few minutes early, but keeps the fan running. Your AC runs less while your home stays just as cool.
  • Nest reminds you to change your air filter based on how many hours your heat or AC has run. A clean filter can cut 5% off your heating or cooling bill.
  • You can make better decisions about your energy use if you know how and why it changes. Nest shows you when your system was on and if the weather, Auto-Away or your adjustments affected your energy use most.

Nest also can be controlled by a smartphone, because of course it can.

We bought a house and our first instinct was to buy a smart thermostat. No one ever said homeownership made you cooler.

The Ballad of Dimitrius Underwood

gal-nfl-underwood-jpgIf you have ever wondered why NFL teams go to such extreme measures to judge the character and personality of NFL Draft prospects, look no further than 1999, when the Minnesota Vikings selected Dimitrius Underwood with the 29th overall pick.

Underwood’s Wikipedia page reads like a harrowing psychological thriller:

After being drafted, he signed a five year, $5.3 million contract on August 1, 1999 but walked out of training camp the next day and never returned, saying he could not resolve the conflict between playing football and serving his Christian faith. The Vikings released him later that month.

Underwood would later change his mind and decided to return to the NFL. He was claimed on waivers by the Miami Dolphins after 23 teams passed on him, but showed a lack of focus towards football. Multiple times during team meetings, Underwood was found not taking notes, but instead writing about the apocalypse. He only played one preseason game for the Dolphins before getting injured.

In September 1999, Underwood was arrested by police for failure to pay child support. Within 24 hours, he attempted to commit suicide by slashing his own neck with a cutlass before repeatedly yelling “I’m not worthy of God.”

According to his mother, an ordained minister, his behavior had been influenced by attending the Immanuel’s Temple Community Church in Lansing, Michigan, which she describes as a “cult that’s posing as a church.”

Underwood later spent two months in protective care and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After he escaped from a psychiatric care facility, he was released from the Dolphins in December 1999.

He later signed a two-year contract with the Dallas Cowboys. During the 2000-2001 seasons, Underwood had 21 tackles and four sacks in 19 games. In January 2001, he tried to kill himself for the second time by running into traffic twice on a busy suburban highway. The Cowboys released him later that month.

Underwood served stints in the Dallas County Jail for Aggravated Robbery, Assault on Public Servant, and Evading Arrest starting in 2002. Underwood spent his time locked down in a closed custody cell.

“I don’t care what a player is like off the field,” you say. “As long as he can produce on Sundays.”

That’s the attitude the Vikings took toward Underwood. He wasn’t a gamble — he was a ticking time bomb. In time, front offices have come to realize mental illness can be more disruptive than a 4.4 40-yard-dash time. My wish is that players deemed a risk because of mental health issues are being treated with all of the care and sensitivity of a first-round pick with a history of knee problems.

With Another Major Flood Coming, Is The Red River Valley Worth The Pain?

fargo-moorhead-aerial-2010-getty_650x366

Pretend we could hit a reset button and resettle America.

Armed with hundreds of years of data geological and meteorological, is there any chance we would inhabit anywhere nearby the Red River Valley again?

As one Daily Kos blogger recently pointed out, in the Fargo-Moorhead area, four of the seven worst floods on record have occurred in the past seven years. The National Weather Service is predicting major flooding this year, with the flood peaking at around 38-41 feet. For context, anything above 30 feet is considered major flooding. That mark would be good (bad?) enough for fifth-worst all-time in the area, making it the fourth major flood event in the past five years.

It raises a difficult, but important question: Is this a trend or a coincidence? If it’s the former, it’s time for some difficult conversations about relocation.

Let’s look at some of the factors that contribute to flooding along the Red River Valley:

  1. The surrounding land is flat. Very flat. Parts of the valley used to be a glacial basin.
  2. There really is no “valley” to act as a natural levee. When the water breaches flood level, it simply flows everywhere.
  3. The river flows north, meaning melting snow along southern parts of the river can run into ice dams in colder parts of the Upper Midwest.
  4. If snow melts too slow or too fast, it becomes a flood threat.

The land isn’t going to change. Valleys will not magically appear. The river will not change course and flow south. Snow will continue to melt at its own pace. So, in all likelihood, the Red River Valley will continue to flood year after year.

Not only is that a major pain for people who live along the river; it’s a burden for taxpayers who fund state and federal relief. According to report prepared by the North Dakota Department of Emergency Services, the 2011 flood — which peaked at 38.81 feet — cost more than $1.4 billion in relief.

Don’t get me wrong: That’s money well spent. But at what point does it become evident nature no longer allows us to enjoy a quality of life along the Red River Valley? If we were to start the country all over again from scratch, would we really develop major (OK, modest) population centers around areas known for major flooding annually?

[Stay strong, Red River Valley residents. Here's hoping you stay high and dry.]

Kevin Durant Sports Illustrated Cover Trumps Your Silly Website

originalIf there is an award for best magazine cover unrelated to a major issue or crisis, this is it. Sports Illustrated’s latest issue features Kevin Durant’s spindly self shooting a free throw. In the background, a pull quote on his determination to finish first — finally.

Safe bet this cover is coming to a varsity locker room near you. Well done, SI. Good to see legacy media teaching these young digital bucks what’s what.

The Hoop and The Harm

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Played a little 4-on-4 pickup basketball last night for the first time since like September. There is nothing — NOTHING — better than a regular pickup game.

The Monday and Wednesday night run at Sojourner Truth Academy (we don’t call it “The Truth,” but I really think we should) features lackadaisical defense, too much outside shooting and deplorable rebounding. But it’s the kind of game where everyone passes, no matter how much I you miss wide open three-pointers.

That said, I feel like pre-Weight Watchers Charles Barkley this morning. Jus’ turrible.

Are These The New Vikings Uniforms?

The 2013 NFL Draft kicks off Thursday. This year, the Minnesota Vikings — who possess the 23rd and 25th picks overall — also will be unveiling a much-needed uniform refresh.

Over the past month, the team has revealed up-close snapshots of the new uniforms on Vikings.com. People with more free time than you and I have created some mock-ups of what they predict the new uniforms will look like.

If these designs are accurate, what do you think? Love them? Hate them? Care more about the team, itself, then their fancy new duds?

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